as the clock ticks -- i felt your warm breath on my hair, on my hands..on my nape. you were everywhere me. i dont hear anything but your heartbeat ---your breath so deep it swallows me. then you took me right there in your arms and tell me " i love you... so much. and you said it again..and you kiss me..in my eyes, my nose, .....my lips. the emotions you cant describe and the truth you cant make me believe were spoken by the way your lips slowly touches mine. 30 minutes of truth, emotions, and abandon....you wrap your arms around me as if you let go --- i would disappear. when i open my eyes....i saw the pain not the love...as if i broke your heart....i cant help but kiss you. i will not promise not to break your heart--- the only thing i promise is that happiness today..tomorrow..i dont want to let go now..i need this. i need you.

you were trying to take me to your world. you reached out your hand -- and i took it. i didnt want to tell myself its wrong but i know it is. i know that i am selfish, but i also want you. i want you not in a way a woman wants a man. ---- but in a way that i dont understand. i want your words to soothe me, your arms to wrap itself around me and your lips....i want them to say my name and kiss me. you are my little secret. you said i love you too many times today and my heart took in every word and it drowned on them. please dont think im playing you for a fool..i am playing myself for a fool...because i want you and its different--- its different for all other emotions in my heart...and it scares me when i finally wake up one day -- and dont know how to go back to my world anymore. i am a fool..i dont care anymore...not today. not tomorrow. i am happy. is that wrong?

Sometimes I want to edge toward forgiveness. I want to contact you and say that all is forgiven. I follow you in my own way, and I know what you do, that you still do the same beautiful things you did. It makes me resentful, but also part of me caves in when I think of you in the right way (or in the wrong way). What would be the point of telling you that I finally forgive you? We won't speak, we won't be friends, and sometimes I will still be resentful. It won't alter anything for either of us, will it?

in your arms, i became alive. when i hold you - i knew that this is where i am supposed to be now and today. but, when i wake up you are gone -- and you are breaking my heart. please come back -- i need to tell you.. i need you. now and forever. i need to let you know that i love you. and i am on my knees today asking for you to come back. i need you. now and forever. i never felt like this. and it's getting deeper everyday. i would fight for this. i would fight till you are here again.

what would i tell my heart. now that you're gone. just when my days are brighter and the world seems to be a happy place -- you went away. you're not there anymore- anywhere i look. tell me how. tell me how to live. tell me how to do this. please let me see you one more time. kiss your lips one last time. please wrap me in your arms once again. hold me and not let me go. my heart is dying a thousand death. you're not here. im alone. you left me. all alone.

i need to let you know i still think about you. i didnt expect you to call me and hearing you bring back so many memories that tore my heart and make it stop. all memories both beautiful, sad and painful -- are part of me--which i have been keeping for years now. i have always let you know how i feel about you and i was serious in a way that you dont believe. i hated, loved you at the same time. and after how many years...i know you can steal my heart away with your voice. you did. i kept your SMS and i will keep it till we meet again. i know we will never be but at least lets be friends. its not the best way to end my love affair with your memories but if it means i can still be with you that way...then let it be~ thank you for making me feel amazingly renewed and this silly smile on my face is your name and your voice.

ang pangrap koy nag mula sa yo sa iyong ganda pusoy di makalimot tuwing kapiling ka tanging nadarama pag silip ng bituin sa iyong mga mata ang saya nitong pag ibig sana ay di na mag iiba ang pangarap ko ang iyong binubuhay ngayon nagmamahal ka sa akin ng tunay at ang tinig moy parang musika nagpapaligaya sa munting nagwawala ang sarap nitong pag ibig lalo pa nung sinabi mo dadalhin kita sa akin palasyo dadalhin hanggang langit ay manibago ang lahat ng itoy pinangako mo dadalhin lang pala ng hangin ang pangarap ko ..ang mawalay ka sa aking pag sinta. bawat saglit..gabing lamig ang hamig ko hanap ang yakap mo haplos ng yong puso parang walang ligtas kundi ang lumuha ang hapdi din nitong pag ibig umasa pa sa sinabi mo... umiiyak ang puso ko alaala pa ang sinabi mo nung nadarama pa ang pag ibig mo.

"...i need to understand why you and i come to an end" no more heart talks. no more tears. no more pain. no more hurting. no more loving you. no more me and you. no more wishing you were here. no more you. no more. no. more.

What had it been? 10 years? More? I felt the car you were in pull up behind me, and I felt you step out. Then I turned and there you were. I played it off. You smiled and yelled my name, and a flood of emotions rushed back. I thought I had moved on, but now I don't know if I ever will. We sat by the fire and talked like old times. In a probably-not-so-subtle way, I told you that I had always liked you and that you were my first love. You responded that you always liked me as well. Later, I casually put my arm around you as we talked to another friend, and you placed your hand in the center of my back. For a moment, I felt so at peace. I don't know if you felt the same way, but I like to think that you did. I've moved on in my life and my love, and I'm happy, but seeing you again was almost too much. It made me realize that, deep down inside, I'll always hold a special place for you. It's a scary thought to know I still hold these feelings for you at this time in my life. I shouldn't feel the way that I do, but I honestly can't help it. I would if I could. You may never read this, but if you do, think of me. I'll always remember you.

So here I sit, drinking water after water, preparing for my boxing class, waiting for that 90 minutes in a 105 degree room where I will punish my body to the point of exhaustion. I sweat and sweat and feel pain like never before. The pain stills that bird in my ribcage and allows me time to be inside my own mind alone. It is the only time I have where I can resist thinking about you. Sooner or later I will have to find something else to take my mind off you. Whatever it is, I hope it hurts just as much. This, my very last love letter to you, hurts enough for now. Whatever else can be said for us in the long road of this affair, I will say that I never stopped loving you. I will die loving you as fiercely as I ever have, feeling those tendrils of pain creeping up my spine and into my ribcage, choking the very breathe from my body. That love has been enough to carry me this far and it will have to do for my future without you. I will have to adapt. I know this as well as I know you just don't have it in you to try. If you did I would be hearing your voice in my ear right now while my hand held yours - I would be able to smell your hair and feel your heat - you would feel the gentle rise and fall of my chest as I cried tears of joy to have you with me, sobbing with that release which I will never know. I am sobbing now, just letting it come out. It's ok, I keep telling myself, not really believing it. This is the end of us. It's all over now. Keep crying, I tell myself, it's all over. It will be ok. Don't be sad, don't be scared. Everything will work out like it has to. It can be no other way. You'll heal, you will heal. Breathe deep and let it take over. Keep breathing, keep breathing - there's nothing to be afraid of anymore. You're almost there. I believe in God - I say the same pathetic prayer every night, over and over bargaining my very life away for one last hour in your loving and happy presence: "God, if you can hear me, take my life, my limbs, my sanity, anything but please, God, please let me just hold him.