thebluebutterfly

i need to tell you.

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 18:35:31 GMT

in your arms, i became alive. when i hold you - i knew that this is where i am supposed to be now and today. but, when i wake up you are gone -- and you are breaking my heart. please come back -- i need to tell you.. i need you. now and forever. i need to let you know that i love you. and i am on my knees today asking for you to come back. i need you. now and forever. i never felt like this. and it's getting deeper everyday. i would fight for this. i would fight till you are here again.

broken heart.

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 18:26:58 GMT

what would i tell my heart. now that you're gone. just when my days are brighter and the world seems to be a happy place -- you went away. you're not there anymore- anywhere i look. tell me how. tell me how to live. tell me how to do this. please let me see you one more time. kiss your lips one last time. please wrap me in your arms once again. hold me and not let me go. my heart is dying a thousand death. you're not here. im alone. you left me. all alone.

Nov.2008

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 07:21:47 GMT

i need to let you know i still think about you. i didnt expect you to call me and hearing you bring back so many memories that tore my heart and make it stop. all memories both beautiful, sad and painful -- are part of me--which i have been keeping for years now. i have always let you know how i feel about you and i was serious in a way that you dont believe. i hated, loved you at the same time. and after how many years...i know you can steal my heart away with your voice. you did. i kept your SMS and i will keep it till we meet again. i know we will never be but at least lets be friends. its not the best way to end my love affair with your memories but if it means i can still be with you that way...then let it be~ thank you for making me feel amazingly renewed and this silly smile on my face is your name and your voice.

dadalhin (regine velasquez)

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 23:31:49 GMT

ang pangrap koy nag mula sa yo sa iyong ganda pusoy di makalimot tuwing kapiling ka tanging nadarama pag silip ng bituin sa iyong mga mata ang saya nitong pag ibig sana ay di na mag iiba ang pangarap ko ang iyong binubuhay ngayon nagmamahal ka sa akin ng tunay at ang tinig moy parang musika nagpapaligaya sa munting nagwawala ang sarap nitong pag ibig lalo pa nung sinabi mo dadalhin kita sa akin palasyo dadalhin hanggang langit ay manibago ang lahat ng itoy pinangako mo dadalhin lang pala ng hangin ang pangarap ko ..ang mawalay ka sa aking pag sinta. bawat saglit..gabing lamig ang hamig ko hanap ang yakap mo haplos ng yong puso parang walang ligtas kundi ang lumuha ang hapdi din nitong pag ibig umasa pa sa sinabi mo... umiiyak ang puso ko alaala pa ang sinabi mo nung nadarama pa ang pag ibig mo.

more than a broken vow

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:36:56 GMT

"...i need to understand why you and i come to an end" no more heart talks. no more tears. no more pain. no more hurting. no more loving you. no more me and you. no more wishing you were here. no more you. no more. no. more.

the 2009

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:34:44 GMT

What had it been? 10 years? More? I felt the car you were in pull up behind me, and I felt you step out. Then I turned and there you were. I played it off. You smiled and yelled my name, and a flood of emotions rushed back. I thought I had moved on, but now I don't know if I ever will. We sat by the fire and talked like old times. In a probably-not-so-subtle way, I told you that I had always liked you and that you were my first love. You responded that you always liked me as well. Later, I casually put my arm around you as we talked to another friend, and you placed your hand in the center of my back. For a moment, I felt so at peace. I don't know if you felt the same way, but I like to think that you did. I've moved on in my life and my love, and I'm happy, but seeing you again was almost too much. It made me realize that, deep down inside, I'll always hold a special place for you. It's a scary thought to know I still hold these feelings for you at this time in my life. I shouldn't feel the way that I do, but I honestly can't help it. I would if I could. You may never read this, but if you do, think of me. I'll always remember you.

tired and hurting

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:28:44 GMT

So here I sit, drinking water after water, preparing for my boxing class, waiting for that 90 minutes in a 105 degree room where I will punish my body to the point of exhaustion. I sweat and sweat and feel pain like never before. The pain stills that bird in my ribcage and allows me time to be inside my own mind alone. It is the only time I have where I can resist thinking about you. Sooner or later I will have to find something else to take my mind off you. Whatever it is, I hope it hurts just as much. This, my very last love letter to you, hurts enough for now. Whatever else can be said for us in the long road of this affair, I will say that I never stopped loving you. I will die loving you as fiercely as I ever have, feeling those tendrils of pain creeping up my spine and into my ribcage, choking the very breathe from my body. That love has been enough to carry me this far and it will have to do for my future without you. I will have to adapt. I know this as well as I know you just don't have it in you to try. If you did I would be hearing your voice in my ear right now while my hand held yours - I would be able to smell your hair and feel your heat - you would feel the gentle rise and fall of my chest as I cried tears of joy to have you with me, sobbing with that release which I will never know. I am sobbing now, just letting it come out. It's ok, I keep telling myself, not really believing it. This is the end of us. It's all over now. Keep crying, I tell myself, it's all over. It will be ok. Don't be sad, don't be scared. Everything will work out like it has to. It can be no other way. You'll heal, you will heal. Breathe deep and let it take over. Keep breathing, keep breathing - there's nothing to be afraid of anymore. You're almost there. I believe in God - I say the same pathetic prayer every night, over and over bargaining my very life away for one last hour in your loving and happy presence: "God, if you can hear me, take my life, my limbs, my sanity, anything but please, God, please let me just hold him.

entirely...

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:19:02 GMT

Out of nowhere, I remembered the strange hollow in your chest, a perfect, small bowl just under your heart. I was having an ordinary day, busy with the small things that I do when I am alone, which is most of the time. And then, without any thought, I lifted my hand up and curved it in to the small, loosely clenched shape at the exact height of that spot on your chest, and it took me completely by surprise. These memories - tiger traps, really, scattered randomly in my everyday paths - make me feel like I still know you. I don't. I never will again. But ten years later, I know my hand could still nestle into that same curve in your chest, where your hand pressed mine most of the nights for most of 8 years. I feel like this is somehow your fault, but you would probably hate it more than I do, and I hate it entirely. but not you. i cant.

famous poems part 1

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 18:57:03 GMT

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love with a passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life! and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death. - elizabeth barrett browning -

easy path. easy pain

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 11:58:13 GMT

I never expected this. I don't even know what to call these feelings...do they have a name? I told you I was shy around you and you asked if it was because I was afraid of losing you. And I lied to you. I said no, flippantly, looking away. I lied. Of course I'm afraid. Afraid of you seeing the insecure me, the me who is struggling and vulnerable. I am afraid of losing your friendship that I have come to value and hold dear. I'm afraid to admit to you that I have allowed myself to go down this path without knowing your position. I could kick myself! I'm afraid that if you knew all of this, you really would cease to call, find other things to fill your time with like you did before. And rightfully so; what a truly frightening admission! I am not afraid; however, of being alone. I have been alone in my heart for as long as I can remember and have done quite well with it. In this lengthy space of time, I have learned to love myself for all that I am worth, and, without being arrogant, I do believe I am quite worthy of love and affection. This was the only truthful part of my "No" answer... I know there is someone out there who is ...well, out there, living their lives parallel to mine and when we do meet finally, and are totally honest with each other, we will be one with and for each other... I do fear, that the reality exists that you and I are similar in so many ways and you more than meet the above criteria for compatibility... I do fear this truth and fear that you may not see it the way I do. And, that, my friend, is why I lied. To admit that I am afraid of losing you is to admit all of this. ....So I chose the easy path. I'm sorry I was not completely truthful...